vis viva

24th April 2008

Dear Chibi,

I suddenly and randomly searched up my High School’s website.. Upon seeing the school emblem, I felt a bit sad…It’s been a while. There wasn’t anything on the site though, and was ‘under construction’ since 2006- but that didn’t deter me away from downloading the only thing that could be downloaded from the site.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the MGHS 2006 annual report… strange huh? Who would have thought I’d read a schools annual report? I know I didn’t even care about it through my whole High School life.. and 2006 wasn’t even my year! But I looked through it, and seeing some pictures from it reminded me of the Quadrangle we use to sit and have lunch, the roll-call lines, the library where I’d spend my study-periods..ah..nostalgic.. =(

I was then up to the part where it talked about the year 2006’s performance in the HSC. lol. This was funny to read… and the data says something about the teachers in the faculties. Like 2004, the science subjects did poorly (haha, so glad I didn’t do any sciences, or my UAI is gone) and the social sciences like Economics did really really well =D Good times. It’s been 4 years since being there, and many teachers have either retired or left… not sure if there’s any point going back there now ..just to look at the place.. but I really do miss it sometimes.

What I remember most seems to be the last few days of it, at the graduation ceremony when everyone was crying.

Ah.. Vis Viva the living force aye?

The will to do it

5th March 2008

Dear Chibi,


It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I apologise for the lack of doodles for the past 2 months or so. Since my last entry, not long after I started the “Study Anatomy Daily Challenge”- I started working (graphic design) 4 days a week, 9 to 5. I get home each day about 6.30-7pm, have dinner, sit down and it’ll be almost be 8pm. Tired from the day’s work, I just want to relax. I have to hop back in bed by 11pm to give myself 8 hrs of good sleep to prepare for the next work day. Some nights are spent out for dinners, outings, birthdays- there’s just a general lack of time to be inspired and motivated to draw something decent. This is a shame though, since I know I want to get better at it, yet I’m just not making the time to do it.

Last night I attempted to make a doodle, and I must say my skills have really deteriorated. I’m so rusty! Fear not though… I do intend to get myself up to scratch sometime in the near future =)

Until then, I guess I’ll have to find the will inside me to do it. Thanks for reading, I hope to post something up soon.

left a trail?

8th February 2008

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ah, this quote rings Year 12 bells. A ‘journey’ quote I used.

Dear Chibi,

I seem to be most motivated when I know someone who is similar to me (similar circumstances, similar age), and is able to achieve something I haven’t achieved myself. I would think ‘If she can do it, so can I!’- and that’s because at least things would seem ‘possible’ or at least ‘doable’. They say anything is possible, but it requires a lot of courage too. However, if I’m only ever going to do something because someone else has done it, how will I ever leave a trail? Althea has left a trail for me to follow when she produced her animation Space Alien Ehushu- which largely motivated me to create Steal My Rain. I’m unsure if I want to continue pursuing in this field, but I definately learned a lot in the process and came out with something I’m happy with.
I wonder what’s ahead of her after The Poisoned Rain of Agharti? Will she be able to make it to the other side? I hope she finds her way. Even if I haven’t yet left a trail, I hope I will some day =)  I hope she continues to pursue her dreams too.

Back to the 80s! Halil’s 21st

3rd February 2008

Dear Chibi,

On Saturday morning, Jacky and I decided to have a look at Parklea markets to see if we can find some remaining accessories for our “80s” costume. We could go as an 80s movie character or just something 80s in general. I chose the latter…leg warmers, side ponytail, fluoro pink off-shoulder shirt, mini skirt, leggings, plastic fluoro bracelets minus the make up. I cringed at the thought of it, but told myself.. “It’s for a good cause.” lol The crazy make up would have really done it.. but I couldn’t make myself to do it ^^;
We found it without much trouble and wandered around the markets. This place gave me a really…weird mixed feeling. As some of you may know, I use to work here back in 2005- for a year. Although some days were okay, the overall experience was unpleasant and I eventually quit working at the end of a full year. It ended on rather bad terms too, but I was happy I was freed from the nightmare. Now I’m back here again, and nothing about it seems to have changed. I recognised every shop, it’s location and their owners.. besides, I did see them for every weekend for a year.. I wasn’t sure if my ex-bosses still worked at the place, but decided I’d visit my god sis instead- who was at the center stage. We had some good chat and saw that Brian (her little brother) was also there- he hasn’t changed. So we were chatting until I asked her where we could get some good food. She mentioned there was this Hot food shop with two lovely owners. Shop 2, entrance five. I froze. Is it..really the same people she was referring to..? I was curious. I wanted to know.

After much hesitation, Jacky and I slowly headed towards the shop, but stayed far enough for them not to see me. Even without my glasses, I saw them. Instead of walking up to them, I continued to walk pass- there’s really nothing more to say. How to describe this… it’s like- suddenly seeing your ex after a few years. There’s awkwardness, not much to say but you’re wondering if grudges have disappeared or not. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.

Well anyway, we headed home and realised we still had a couple of hours to spend. Randomly, Jacky opened a movie file I had on the computer and it was Kagen no Tsuki (Last Quarter of the Moon). I had forgotten I downloaded this ages ago, so we watched it unsure of what to expect. Ok- we got curious as to what we were watching so I paused it at the beginning to read a little summary on wiki, haha. It was a mystery, supernatural live action based on a three-volume shoujo manga by Yazawa Ai- creator of NANA! So we watched on.. I was slightly freaked out by some parts of it, but overall the plot was uninteresting, a little confusing and weird. lol. Oh wells… at least I didn’t watch it myself ^^;;

And..onto the most eventful part of the day!! Halil’s 21st Birthday Party =D
First of all, it was fun seeing everyone dressed up! We had a Indiana Jones, Michael Jackson, Bruce lee, Kamen Rider, Pazu and Sheeta (Laputa: Castle in the Sky), Marty McFly (Back to the Future), Flashdance, a 80s metal punk and the list goes on. Great atmosphere, good food and plenty of laughs (love the Bruce lee vs Indiana Jones show XD). We got some arm wrestles happening too and the funniest would have to go to Raycus ^^ Marcus went roaring while Ray was just..calm, lol.
Afterwards we had the awesomeness double layered chocolate ice-cream cake, it was gorgeous ^.^
And of course, since this was my first time visiting his place, I had to check it out XD His room has some really cute stuff!! Some of Halil’s creations:
dino.jpg house.jpg
pipe.jpg pineapple.jpg
I’m sure everyone had a great time =)

life and death

24th January 2008

Dear Chibi,

Now I become blind, do I?

Sometimes I gotta give credit to whoever comes up with these situations for me to experience. It is pretty scary though… the dream constantly changed perspective from first person (being what I see) to third person. Vision switched from colour- to grey in split seconds- so much that I felt dizzy and wanted to give up trying to see. In no time, I couldn’t see a thing. I felt hopeless, but I remained as  calm as I could. Then.. switching to third person, I see myself wandering around in my high school but it’s hard to tell I was actually blind.. just a bit emotionless and in deep thought. Forgetting the fact I went to a girl’s school.. . my Uni friends were there as students. Mainly as spectators, cause they didn’t play much of a role in the dream. Not much talking took place. It was one of those..more quiet dreams.. yet noisy. Contradicting, isn’t it? I don’t know how to describe it.

This dream brings up questions I constantly ask myself- those “what ifs”. When I cross a road.. I think “What if I die this very moment? What if some crazy drink driver pops out of the corner?” When I’m driving.. ˜What if I ran over someone this very moment? Is my life over? What would I do? I’m walking alone. If I die any moment..for any reason.. is that the end of my story? “This won’t happen to me, right?”

It’s probably sounding like I’m scared of life and death. It’s not really that.. It just means that if I die at any point of time.. I hope that I won’t have any regrets.

Just being cautious, really. Things happen that’s not in our control, but being careful could lower that probability.

somewhere unknown

14th January 2008

Dear Chibi,

Yesterday I decided to join Jacky and Burpy in one of their jamming sessions (as a spectator, of course XD) and it turned out pretty enjoyable. Every time I see people play an instrument I’m left fascinated how coordinated they are. I lack coordination overall, heck I can’t even touch type- but still it’s fun to dream sometimes being able to play one =) I would like to be able to play it, but don’t think I’m prepared to give up things to do it. Jacky attempted to teach me play a bit with the guitar, but I was too concerned about my fingers, which were hurting just pressing against it.

I often wonder.. is it possible, for someone-anyone to suddenly be able to do something they had no previous knowledge of or talent? Can people really branch into an unknown area and be good at it? Talent seems to play a major factor, though we often say hard work can also get you anywhere. Talent seems to run in families too. Is one’s life determined the moment they were born or what? Can people be everything and anything? Is there an age where you’re something and that’s what you are? Surely people change career paths and directions in their life, but how easy/difficult is that to do? There’s so many questions I’m often wondering and although most probably have clichéd answers- it’s hard to accept until I’ve experienced it myself. Wow, I have so much confidence in myself, don’t I?

dreams mixed into reality

6th December 2007

Dear Chibi,

Last night I decided I wouldn’t put my alarm on and guess what happened? I slept for about 12 hours x_x! The dream was very very very long.. I don’t particularly like dreams that go for that long cause they’re usually weird and don’t make any more sense than short dreams. Sleeping too much makes you feel lost in the morning (err..well, arvo)- now I can’t tell if things really happened or they were just from the dream @__@ I guess I can never really find out either, lol. It’s so difficult sometimes thinking if something existed in reality or not.

This morning (or was it night?) there was loud blasting thunder and pouring rain hitting against my window. I remember flashes of lightning before hiding my face completely under the blankets. Then it seems I was telling people (in my dream) that it was pouring outside my window and that the thunder was totally freaked me out. eh? That’s confusing.. but I guess this is another story XD

Anyways, I better go grab some breakfast……………../lunch…

Protected: reflections on COFA

12th November 2007

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the last class…? looking back and forward

9th November 2007

Dear Chibi,

Today I attended my final tutorial class at COFA (Adv. Analouge and Digital Animation).. so what does that mean..? Jen is finished with her University assignments and no longer have classes!!! I still have till November 16th to prepare my major work for the COFA Annual exhibition, but in terms of marking/assessment wise.. everything is in.

wow. it feels weird. So this is it? I feel like I still have some kind of burden on my back and I guess that can only be gone after the Annual Exhibition (gotta touch up my animation more) That aside… what a year! You may have noticed that all my blog entries for October have been rather depressing..yes, I was stressed, very stressed. I feel like I didn’t have a life this year..but hey, it is the final Uni year and we were warned that this year was going to be crazy, lol. yes it was.

A lot of people have been asking me what I’ll be doing next year.. plans and things. I know I’ll be going overseas for a little holiday sometime early next year and have told myself to work on personal projects. The funny thing is.. before I started this degree, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.. and now finishing it, I still kind of don’t know what I want to do, haha. Let’s just say, I’ll take it easy for a while ^_^ Do a few part time jobs to keep my wallet happy and just enjoy life for a bit. I entered the workforce the day I finished my final HSC exam (3 years ago), and since then I’ve been working in a variety of places.

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fight within

23rd October 2007

Dear Chibi,

I’ve been feeling quite depressed lately. It’s probably due to all the pressure caused by Uni assignments and my lack of time and ability to meet those demands. I feel like an empty shell. I can’t handle it.. it’s just too much. I feel so disappointed in myself.. why am I so weak and giving up this close to the deadline..? I don’t want to, but I don’t know anymore.. I remember I was happy with my major work just a few weeks ago, but now every time I see it I get so depressed. It’s just not turning out how I wanted it to be. The more I watch it, the more unmotivated I become. I know I shouldn’t even be here typing up this blog entry. Time is just ticking and I should spend it on where it really counts. It’s hard.. I really want to talk to someone, but I know it’s just going to waste more time. I have to let it out somehow so here I am..I think my final challenge is myself. At this point I don’t think anyone can really help me.. I have to get pass myself before I can reach my project. Until I pull myself together and think positively, this will just eat me up.